Let’s be honest—every couple has their “wars.” In fact, if you and your partner never disagree, someone is probably hiding how they really feel. Total silence is usually more dangerous than a loud argument. The secret to a relationship that actually lasts isn’t a lack of friction; it’s mastering the art of the “fair disagreement.”

It’s about those moments when the tension is high, but the respect is higher. Here is how we keep the love alive even when the “wars” start:

  • Tackle the Issue, Not the Person: Instead of “You are so lazy,” try “Babe, I’m feeling really overwhelmed—can we figure out how to handle this together?”
  • The 10-Second Filter: When you’re about to say that one thing you know will leave a scar, just count to ten. Ask yourself: “Is this going to help us fix this, or am I just trying to ‘score a point’?”
  • Listen to Understand, Not to Reply: Most of us just wait for our partner to stop breathing so we can launch a “counter-attack.” Try actually hearing the heart behind their words first. Sometimes, a simple “I understand why that hurt you” can end a war before the first shot is even fired.
  • No “Below the Belt” Hits: Don’t bring up 2023’s mistakes or their family’s drama just because you’re arguing about dinner today. Keep the fight clean.

What we are trying to say is a relationship isn’t a competition where one person wins and the other loses. If one person “wins” an argument but the other person feels crushed, the relationship loses every single time.