This is an issue that has kept several women unhappy and turned the home into a battlefield in some cases.
Most women are clueless on what to do, while others have engaged in unprintable acts in order to keep their man to themselves.
Several years ago, i read a book written by T.D. Jakes titled ” the lady, her Lord, her lover”, and though most of the things I read didn’t make much sense at the time, over the years, i have come to appreciate every sentence in that book.
In my novel titled ” the invisible remote control”, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VKBGP61 , I made an attempt at looking at the negative effects of unfaithfulness, on the part of the husband, that could lead the wife on a path filled with regrets and pain, which oftentimes is mistaken for revenge.
As much as possible, I will try to keep it simple and straight to the point, but remember that there are no perfect solutions when it comes to issues of the heart, but I am sure that these hints will help.
As a woman, the moment you find out that your partner, your better half, the love of your life is cheating on, you feel like you’ve been hit by a ton of bricks.
Your heartbeat suddenly increases and it feels like a bag of sand is lodged in your heart and your mind starts working overtime; thinking of the possible reasons why your better half cheated on you.
Is it that he no longer finds you pretty and sexy? Is the sex no longer good? What does the other lady have that you don’t have? Funny enough, while many ladies would immediately opt for a divorce, most married women still stick to their marriage not minding the fact that their husbands are cheating on them.
They may stay because of religious reasons. Most churches are strongly against divorce because God doesn’t permit it. Others may decide to stay just to keep the family together; they may be scared that the kids may not be able to cope with the separation. There are ladies that are not financially stable who will decide to stay because of their inability to take care of their finances.
Some ladies may decide to stay because they feel that it’s the best thing to do. You know, after staying with a man for many years, they feel it’s only right for them to try and fix their marriage.
Whatever reasons that necessitated your reason to stay, it is not going to be easy dealing with a cheating husband. But here are some tips that could help you.
1) Allow yourself some time to take in everything:
Know that it is okay to mourn the relationship you once had.
Finding out that your significant other cheated on you can lead to a rollercoaster of emotions. Shock, anger, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are some of the emotions that you might feel. It will certainly take you a while to get over the pain and anger. Don’t try to hide them. It is okay to let them out. Your marriage changed, it’s only normal for you to grieve the relationship you once had.
2) Don’t revenge:
The moment you find out that your significant other is cheating on you, it induces a lot of anger and in that state you could do some things with grave repercussions. Doing things like shaming him on social media, destroying his properties, reporting him to friends will only induce temporary satisfaction but with time, the repercussions will come staring at you. No matter how angry you are, stay away from revenge. As a married woman, there are things you naturally can’t do, those things include having a side bobo or smallie. It is unheard of and our society is not civilised to that point where a married woman can flaunt her lover. If you are a Christian, God doesn’t permit adultery. I am very sure that the same doctrine applies to Muslims. You can’t correct an evil act with evil!. The other issue is this, this new guy isn’t a saint either, he also has a girlfriend or wife and the tendency that he’d hurt you eventually is very real and certain. May late father would say, ” men are like snakes. It doesn’t matter the size, the most important thing is, they all have poison. If they bite, you’d die. One man is different from the other because he has more respect or love. But all men are the same “.
3) Let him know that his infidelity is hurting you:
Talking to your significant other about his infidelity doesn’t in any way translate to “confront him”. Yes, I know it can be really hard not to raise your voice at him or throw him some punch but at this stage you need to calm your female instincts so you can get all the information you need. Asking questions like, when it started, how long it had been going on, where he met her could help you get a clear understanding on why he is cheating on you. Above all please do not pick a fight. If you know that it is impossible for you to talk calmly, don’t start the conversation.
4) Demand that he comes clean about the whole affair:
While he spills whatever he has to say, have it at the back of your mind that some of the information might be very hurtful. It’s either you prepare your mind to hear the worse or stop talking when you feel the information is too much to take in. Take things slowly. The truth may hurt you. Can you handle the truth? The choice is yours, but in my opinion, do not ask him any questions.
5) Requesting that he cuts all ties with her:
Fantastic and sweet as this sounds, it will never work. Human nature makes that almost impossible. The more you insist on this, you might most likely push your husband into the arms of the other woman. Do not ask him to stop seeing her, show him as much love as you can and pray that something will make him change his mind about his unholy relationship.
6) Take care of yourself.
After all is said and done, you can never be so sure if your husband has finally stopped seeing the woman. In that situation, you can’t kill yourself. So instead of losing your mind, invest in yourself. Make sure you’re always looking pretty and sexy, develop hubbies, make the house a home by ensuring that everything is clean and tidy, make delicious meals for him, and most importantly give him attention and love.
(7). Do not insult the other woman:
When you insult her, you are giving her power, she doesn’t deserve. Especially if you insult her in the presence of your husband e.g. how is your slut doing?
(8) Do not force him to choose, because you might receive the shock of your life: There is no competition here-you will lose this one! She is new and they are in the honeymoon phase, you on the other hand are an old habit.
(9). Calling him excessively to check on like: Don’t make him feel like a prisoner. He might start to avoid your calls even if he is not doing anything bad just to protect his freedom.
(10). Beating or assaulting the other woman:
You are creating sympathy for her. Now she looks like your victim to him. With this one you are still giving her power.
(11). Threatening to leave just to scare him:
You are giving him ideas. You make the grass seem greener on the other side.
(12). Crying: He won’t feel sympathy for you, rather, he would feel burdened by the tears.
(13) Stop snooping:
Don’t hurt yourself unnecessarily. You will find what you are looking for. Don’t break into his e-mails. Don’t scroll his phone and don’t go through his messages. You are not a police undercover agent or detective.
(14). Being in denial even though the signs are there:
Do something about your knowledge or you will make yourself sick. Some diseases are stress-related. Deal with your issues; don’t bottle them up. Look for something tasking to occupy your mind. If you’re a career person, develop a skill that will make you more valuable professionally, and if you’re a full-time housewife, not to worry. You can hook up to the internet and learn a skill.
(15). Telling his mother:
For crying out loud! This is his mother! She won’t beat him up. Whatever happens should be between you guys and should not be in the public.
(16) .Committing suicide: Seriously, Once you’re gone, you’re gone! That’s the end of the story and guess what? Your guess is as good as mine. She will be his new wife in a heartbeat.
17) Put The Phone Down:
It Is Wise To Leave His Phone Alone. when you are hurting, deal with Your Disappointment Instead of Going through his phone only to find More Truths that will hurt you.
When His Phone rings, Leave The Room Even if it’s Ringing unattended To, Leave it Alone. Don’t answer his phone. Learn To Be Strong And Ignore it.
18) Learn to be prayerful: Whether you are a Christian or Muslim, both religions recognize the power in prayers. While prayer with a bad attitude will not produce the required result, be sexy, clean, organised and confident in yourself.
Remind yourself that it is a phase that will pass.
Always remember that the man is the head of the house and according to David Ibiyeomie, if you picture two heads on a body, you’d see a monster”
T.D Jakes, also wrote that men are created differently from women, they are not as emotional as we would want them to be. For some men, those women are like toys or gadgets that satisfy their fantasies.
If you are a born again Christian, please don’t get married to a Playboy and assume that you can change him. It is only with the Grace of God that such man can be transformed.
A dutiful wife will always pray for her husband and family to protect them from the attacks of the devil and all the evil forces of darkness.
For the Muslim woman, it is easier for her, because the religion allows the husband to engage in multiple relationship.
If you believe in the importance of a church marriage, you should also apply the principles given by God concerning marriage.
Until I write to you again,
Hugs and kisses
Gloria Boma Harry
Author, motivational speaker and publisher
Send your comments to
gloriab4real@gmail.com
