TD. Jakes, in his book, “The Lady, Her Lord and Her Lover,” asks a question…
Do you know if the satin bed sheet you bought for your bed is really what your man wants? Do you know how hard your man tries to remain in bed while performing his primary duties to you, as you lie on the silk sheet and enjoy its feel on your back, while he desperately tries not to fall off the bed?
We are all guilty of this in our various relationships. Most times, we do not make the effort to find out if what we are doing is what pleases our partner. We do not ask if he or she is making an effort to remain in the relationship. Are we thinking of our own pleasure alone, or are we putting our partner’s desires into consideration? Or do we simply say, if he or she cannot stand it, too bad!
When I was a little girl, I would read Mills and Boon novels and gradually designed an image of the kind of man I would really want when I grew up.
A handsome, romantic man who, if possible, would always ride on a horse. A Prince Charming. Ignorantly, I did not realise that this would remain only a dream, something that might never come into reality. A figment of my imagination.
A friend of mine would always say, “Never put expectations first in a relationship. Allow everything to flow naturally. Just do what you know would be right at all times, and always do what you would expect from your partner.”
Never make a big deal out of it when you call and your partner does not pick up after two rings. Wait for a reasonable period for your partner to return your call, or call back later. But when you start calling repeatedly, a hundred times within an hour, you are only saying, “Hey, I don’t trust you, and I’m not sure of the kind of relationship we have.”
My dad would always say to me that his house was not open to any daughter who would leave her man simply because she caught him cheating. He likened men to snakes: a snake, whether small or big, could kill if it bites. In his view, the same applied to men. A man would always remain a man; the thing that makes one different from the rest is his conscience and how much he loves his woman.
When I grew up, I realised that this same principle could apply to women, too.
Relationships are not business transactions that you embark on with already laid-down rules. NO! Relationships are dynamic. What works for one couple might not work for the next, but what should remain constant is love! Unconditional love, mutual respect, and understanding.
Take time out to find out what your partner actually wants. Ask your partner to tell you what excites him or her. Don’t ever say, “I have him or her to myself now, so I can relax and become someone different.” Definitely not!
Never stop being that caring, loving, and considerate person you were when you first met. That way, you would understand when your partner says, “Darling, I don’t feel up to it today.”
Things are usually misunderstood when a relationship moves to the next level and your partner dares to say, “Please, baby, I don’t feel up to it.” You might be tempted to quote 1 Corinthians 7:1–5, but forcing the issue or making your partner feel guilty is not good for a relationship.
We all have our moments. Identical twins cannot always have the best of relationships, talk less of two individuals with diverse beliefs and backgrounds.
Society can only be a better place when its smallest unit is healthy. That, in turn, will have an impact on the larger society.
Men should learn how to show more affection. Don’t think that showing affection means a woman will take you for granted. Whether you show affection or not, a bad woman will remain a bad one, but with love, it might be easier to live in peace.
Make her your best friend, mother, sister, and lover.
There are some crazy sexual fantasies you have. If she is your friend and lover, you should be able to share your desires with her rather than seek to satisfy them somewhere else. When you approach your relationship with love, honesty, and consideration, many other things can fall into place.
If you meet her wearing G-string pants and fixing everything she could fix, why try to unfix it?
Enough said about the men. My ladies, we are the home builders. How else can we describe ourselves when even God has acknowledged our role by calling us virtuous women and giving us the privilege of bringing life into this world? Can you imagine how funny it would have been if both men and women could get pregnant?
I’m sure all the sisters would prefer that men go through the process rather than pass through such pain and transformation, only to be looked at by men as if we came from another planet!
Childbirth, no doubt, can leave a woman feeling insecure and withdrawn, but there is a way to work through that insecurity. Always see yourself as still dating your man. That way, you will remember to wear clothes that complement your present status and shape.
It is heartbreaking to find some of our sisters always having a wrapper around their waist, 24/7, without bothering about makeup or accessories. Have you taken time out to look at yourself in the mirror and notice the transformation? You do not have to have a million naira to look decent. Your man saw you as a beautiful chic and came to you, so why not make an effort to maintain that confidence and beauty?
Do you know what shoe size your man wears? What colours appeal to him? Have you ever gone into a shop to buy a gift for the man in your life without a reason, simply to show him how much you love him? Or does it always have to be about him meeting all your financial needs?
These are little things that count.
Have you ever complimented his looks or passed him a little note saying how you feel about him?
Men, as little boys, would rather play with their toy guns, cars, and video games, but women are often more subtle. What makes you think that a grown man who has never been emotional will suddenly become different? Guys graduate from toy guns, cars, and video games to the real thing, and add another interest to it, which is a woman!
If ladies could look at their men and believe that the women they get involved with are merely toys to satisfy their desires, rather than threats to their own worth, perhaps our society would be better.
Sisters, stop nagging! Look for something to occupy yourself. Men naturally would want to chase after us, so when he discovers that you don’t nag and that you are at peace with yourself, he may become curious about what keeps you busy. How else would he know, except by spending time with you and being part of your world?
Or better still, you could pray this little prayer:
“Father Lord, any other breast my man looks at should shrink!”
For your comments and contributions, please send your e-mail to:
heart2_heart90@yahoo.com
SPRINGPOINT MAGAZINE
October 2008